Fortunately, families are embracing the importance of social distancing and are minimizing their contact outside of their homes. Along with the potential terrible physical symptoms, COVID-19 also has a significant ripple effects on mental health and emotional well-being. In theory, spending more time with family is positive and provides opportunities to spend quality experiences together with dinners, games, and projects. While this is very true, we all need to be realistic about the psychological impact of being isolated together for prolonged periods of time.
Even those with the happiest and strongest of marriages and families, challenges will be faced and stressed over time when confined to the same spaces. Furthermore, there are also families that have already been experiencing marital difficulties or parenting issues. We all need to be pro-active and have tools and strategies to deal with the inevitable adversities during this time.
1. Self Reflection is Key
By recognizing that it is a GIVEN that the stresses of home confinement will have some negative impact, plan to take time each and every day to self assess. Ask yourself, “How am I really doing today?” Am I edgy? Am I more irritable? Taking the temperature on own mental health will prevent additional mental health symptom sneaking in. Also, just as importantly, avoid unnecessary arguments and escalations within our homes. It is a fact, that despite our best intentions, it is human nature to “hold in” and then over-react to a small irritation. Self reflect and ask yourself “ is this really worth an argument?”
2. Have A Plan and Execute
What is your plan to maintain your emotional health? What are the de-stressors that have historically worked best for you? Isn’t it interesting that during stressful times, many of us abandon the self care when we actually need it the most? Implement a daily routine and schedule at home, which specifically include personal de-stressors and group de-stressors. A Plan and Routine are very important as we must hold ourselves accountable. It is also crucial we monitor our physical health as it is directly related to our emotional as well. Going for a walk, looking online for at home workouts, or even starting a project that has been on your list of “ things to do”. All of these small plans will make a huge impact.
3. Communicate, communicate and communicate
The predictors of healthy relationships are open and honest communication along with healthy conflict resolution strategies. I recommend having regular, perhaps every couple of days initially, sit down family meetings. Include a fun snack and make it a positive experiencing by starting with what is going well inside the family during this time. Follow this with an opportunity for every person to talk about what is bothering them and what is on their mind. This could include minor irritancies such as who is doing what chores or it could include deeper feelings, such as fear and worry about the effects of COVID-19.
Maintaining daily check in with the adult relationships will prevent the potential of built up issues and feelings. In our workplaces, we regularly have meetings, a review of what’s working and what isn’t, and develop solutions accordingly. Why would our relationships at home be any different?
In communicating, practice active listening skills, without interruption, and with the intent to sincerely “get” where the other person is coming from. We don’t need to agree with each other, but, maintaining love, trust and respect in our homes sets the stages for successful conversations.
4. Don’t forget about personal time
Self awareness is pivotal in situations where even one of us becomes heated, especially in tough conversations. It is human to have emotional reactions and we all are sometimes angry, sad, frustrate and/or annoyed. It is, however, our choice on how we choose to respond to these emotions. As soon as you feel a strong emotion within your body or notice your voice raising, it is time to shut down the conversation and this can be done respectfully. “I am getting frustrated right now and I don’t want us to argue. I need time to be my myself for a while”. It is equally essential, that other family members allow us to have that time to regulate. When we are angry and frustrated, we are not able to be logical and problem solve – it is virtually impossible. Allowing alone time and space to breathe deep, go for a walk, listen to music and/or any other tools of emotion regulation will help us return to a calmer place. Then, the conversation can be revisited for more discussion and resolution.
5. Maintain a Healthy Sense of Humour
Laugher really is the glue of sanity. Being able to look at the big picture and pick your battles will also help. Ensuring that laughter is part of your daily home experiences will ease the challenges of containment. Deliberating choosing activities, movies and practices that lead to laughter will also strengthen the relationships amongst you and your family members.
Lastly, always remember, “Even when there doesn’t seem to be no way out, there is always a way through”
Sherry Campbell, Principal Counsellor and Owner of the Sherry Campbell Group www.sherrycampbellgroup.com
