Thank you for reading my blog! I am, like most of us, very excited to be entering Phase One of COVID 19 gradual lifting of restrictions. Although we are cautiously optimistic, hopefully following all of the provincial guidelines will continue to minimize the number of new cases in Ontario. Healthier and happier days ahead.
This particular post is dedicated to parents of children and teens; kudos, to all parents during this “bizarre” time! I can only imagine how challenging it is to maintain running a home (multiple meals per day and cleaning) along with assisting with children’s on-line learning, and potentially even working at home as well. Of course, many parents are telling me that initially during the COVID shut down, they embraced enjoying family board games, watching old great movies, walks, hikes…..and eventually we are running out of ideas. And, kids and teens are saying, “I’m BORED”.
Without the routine and structure of what a day typically looks like, we all run the risk of moving into a “rut”. Despite our best efforts to maintain some normalcy, life really isn’t the same. Some of the moods you may be seeing in your children may be an expression of trying to adjust to the multiple changes. Plus, especially to our young people, socialization with friends is a key source of happiness. In my practice, even kids that don’t typically “love” school, really miss the classroom setting, being with their teachers, and friends and the great vibes that come along with being together.
I believe that COVID 19, offers us parents an opportunity to build even more resiliency in our children. The ability to face adversity, rebound and move forward is a life tool that will help them forever. Asking our children, reflection questions to help them express exactly what they are feeling really helps and builds self-awareness. Sometimes they (just like us) really are bored. Other times, it is a word that may be veiling some deeper feelings. I hear kids and teens telling me they are very confused about what is going on and feel scared about the unknowns. “When are we going back to school? “When is COVID 19 going to be over?” and “when can I see my friends?”.
The unknown in itself triggers feelings of anxiety and worries and by asking kids, “so, what are you thinking? Tell me more…?” can help them unpack and express what is really on their minds; which they may not even have identified yet. Then, we can guide our kids into “balanced thinking”. These are difficult times yet we find a way through; 100%. Help them discern between facts and fears. Yes, COVID 19 is frightening, yet, look at all the positive things we are actively doing to protect ourselves and others. Focusing on the NOW.
A second part of building resilience in children is to then encourage them to build a list of what makes them feel better. Emotion regulation is a very important second step, following self reflection. What are the go-to’s best for you? Talking about feelings and thoughts with trusted family and friends is so helpful. Also, determining other activities that allow a release of pent up emotions. It may be shooting basketballs in the garage, a bike ride, journaling, music, creating a Tic-Toc Video, crafts, guided meditations and the list goes on.
We are all currently living outside of our comfort zone since we typically live in very busy (I suggest too busy) times! To have such an extra amount of time on our hands is uncomfortable at first. I challenge families to find ways to feel more comfortable with unstructured time; building new hobbies and interests and embracing our creative artistic side. We are usually really clear about what boosts our mood, until we are in a bit of a “rut”. Then the “I don’t know what I want to do” opens up and motivation may suffer, “I don’t feel like it”.
Resiliency is about being pro-active and problem solving and developing strategies to improve the situation. Realistic optimism is encouraged since
hopelessness renders us helpless. Which is why noticing our thoughts, therefore, is the first step! Self reflection skills, emotion regulation and moving towards an actual plan to improve the situation are the optimal set of skills to deal with whatever happens in life.
Also, parents please take as great care of yourselves as possible! Planning personal time for yourselves, not feeling guilty if everything at work or your children’s schooling isn’t 100%. We are doing the very best we can each and every day! Self care is oxygen to us parents. Also, this is the best method of role modelling to our children. I love the saying, “Don’t worry your kids aren’t listening to you, be worried they are watching you”. Not that, I want anybody to worry at all, but the point is solid. Walking the talk! Self care is the foundation for parents and if we are not giving ourselves opportunities to de-stress, then that’s when we wear out.
Congratulations to us all on already moving through the past 2 months! Who would have thought something like this virus would have ever happened? You don’t know how strong you are, until you need to be.
Cheers to raising resilient children! Take great care of yourselves, big virtual hug, Sherry
